The Invisible Onion

Feeling the pressure of the festive season

Does anyone else feel like the melting emoji when they think about the Christmas period? I want to be excited and happy, but I can’t stop thinking about the massive list of things I need to do beforehand, the obligatory social engagements and extra travel. 

I feel so burnt out before Christmas Day that the day itself becomes a slog, and come Boxing Day, I feel like I’m floating outside of my body. All I want to do is chill at home with Egg (that’s my husband), but the social commitments keep rolling on until the New Year. And I know so many autistic and chronically ill people feel this too. The pressure of December can be brutal on our bodies and nervous systems. 

Learning from past Christmases

After years of this cycle, I started trying to make some changes. A few years ago, Egg and I went away for Christmas. It was the best Christmas that I remember because we escaped the usual Christmas routine and could just relax and do what we wanted. I long to do that again, but money and time off work have been blockers.

Inspired by my Christmas abroad, each year I vow that I’m going to do things differently, and set more boundaries, but my need to please everyone kicks in and the boundaries go out of the window. It doesn’t help that I get a nice little reminder in September when I start seeing Christmas food in the supermarkets and from that point on my brain goes into full Christmas mode!

I want to enjoy Christmas in a way that works for me, but to do that I would upset a lot of my family. I love them and don’t want to hurt them, but they just don’t understand my need for pacing, reducing sensory overload and how multiple back-to-back social engagements affect me.

Shifting my approach

I’ve found that after a few years of trying to set big, clear boundaries, I needed to change my approach. This year, I’m focusing on accepting that Christmas is going to dysregulate me, and allowing and embracing the emotions that come with it. I usually get frustrated and mad at myself that I can’t cope the way that others do. 

Why push against it all and cause myself to feel worse? I’m going to ride the wave, take little victories where I can, and do gentle nurturing practices to ground myself and brighten my days. 

I know that I’m unlikely to get a full day to myself, but if I can get even a 10 minute break, I’m going to embrace that, rather than spending those minutes reminding myself how stressed I am.

My gentle Christmas plan

So instead of pushing myself into burnout again, I’ve made a plan that actually supports me. I’m going to:

• Actively check in with myself every couple of hours for 2 minutes with a curious mindset- how do I feel, what emotions are present, what sensations are showing themselves.
• Give myself a minimum 10 minute window to myself each day and tap into my intuition to decide what to do- maybe a sensory silence, a humming session, a short yoga practice or a mini dance party if I’m feeling activated.
• Stick to my usual sleep routine, no matter if it’s rude to leave or tell someone to leave my home. Disrupting my usual bedtime has a big knock on effect on how I feel for days afterwards and can quickly lead to overwhelm and burnout.
• Say no if someone wants to see me at short notice, no matter who it is. A change in my routine during an already chaotic time might tip me over the edge.
• Bring Panda and Bunny (my trusted cuddly toys) to travel with me to all social occasions to help keep me calm on the journeys. 
• Keep New Year’s Eve completely free this year. It’ll be a moment of calm and time for me to look forward to during the busy Christmas period. I’ll be sticking to my usual sleep routine so I can get up early on New Year’s Day for a walk in my favourite forest with no one else there.

Embracing small victories

The festive period is going to be a time for me not trying to set unrealistic boundaries, but instead taking some small steps that will help keep me more grounded and support me through a time that I find particularly hard. 

Accepting my limits isn’t defeat, it’s how I avoid crashing and actually enjoy the little moments. I think this more gentle approach will suit me better and ties in nicely with my current focus of moving from survival to safety. I might not be able to change the whole season, but I can change how gently I hold myself through it.

You’re not alone

If you feel like you’re drowning during the festive period, know you are not alone. We’ve got this! We deserve to enjoy Christmas too.

Do you also find setting boundaries hard? Are there any coping strategies that work for you or that you are trying for the first time this year? Please do get in touch through the comments below. Sharing helps us grow and peel back our layers together.

Much love,
Rachael xx

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