The Invisible Onion

When first trying to figure out if I did have autism, I was scrolling the internet to find information on how it feels for someone experiencing overstimulation. I really struggled to find what I was looking for. Writing this post, I hope I can help others who are trying to understand what happens and how it feels.

In this post, I break down what overstimulation means to me, what can trigger it, how it physically and emotionally feels, and how I’ve started learning to manage it.

My understanding of the term ‘overstimulation’

Just for reference here in case you would like some clarity, my understanding of the term ‘overstimulation’ is when I feel overloaded in my senses and can struggle with basic functioning. I might completely shut down and not be able to do anything or have a big outburst or meltdown expressing my overload in a very visible and vocal way.

Common reasons that I experience overstimulation

Overstimulation can happen for many reasons. Here are some of my common ones:

• Sound– it could be a loud noise, like a sudden crash of heavy machinery or something constant in the background like a ticking clock. It could be something I don’t like, such as the sound of metal on metal or music or a voice that I don’t like.
• Light– it could be flashing lights, lack of natural light or even natural sunlight!
• Smell– I have such a sensitive nose. My husband says my sense of smell is my superpower! I can smell the tiniest of smells and it can make me gag and need to cover my nose. My husband has to use a roll of deodorant because I can’t deal with the smell of any sprays.
• Taste– closely linked with my sense of smell, I have clear likes and dislikes when it comes to taste.
• Touch– it could be the feeling of my clothes on my skin, someone sitting too close to me, a small bump can cause me physical pain where someone else wouldn’t feel it, textures can easily make my skin crawl, including certain foods that I might suddenly spit out.
• Too much mental focus– constant high levels of focus, particularly at work or having to deal with any change that might be happening in my day to day, causes me to feel overwhelmed. If I’m already on my way to overstimulation then focusing on a simple task like watering my house plants can tip me over the edge.
• Temperatures– changing temperature from hot to cold or vice versa can cause me to feel overwhelmed, such as the temperature of a room, but this could also be touching something either hot or cold. This can cause a bolt of pain to run through my body, making it hard to focus on anything else.
• And let’s not forget social interaction– masking is a big thing for me here. I’ll be constantly trying to maintain the correct social decorum, saying and acting in the right way and maintaining appropriate eye contact. With some social situations, I can plan ahead what I want to say, which takes its toll on its own, with other social interactions there is a big pressure to make sure I am saying the right things. Afterwards, my brain will be running back through the conversation, making sure that I’ve acted appropriately.

How overstimulation feels for me

Now for how it feels. This is so hard to put into words.

When I’m not feeling overstimulated my brain feels clear and thoughts can move freely in my head. When I am overstimulated, the capacity for functioning in my head decreases and it feels like I’m trapped in the tiny pressured hole that is getting smaller. It’s hard to hold onto any of my thoughts or understand how I am feeling. 

It can come on suddenly and when it does, this can lead to an extreme outburst of emotions. I can start crying or shouting, but I often don’t know at that time what the emotions are that I am feeling. The feeling can be extremely overwhelming and all consuming. 

If there is more of a progressive build up of overstimulation, I’m more likely to shut down and revert into myself. I’ll feel extreme fatigue, to the point where I can barely talk or move. Even the smallest task will be unbearable and I will crave sitting in a dark and silent room.

Brain fog and short term memory loss come hand in hand for me when I am overstimulated.

Trying to think and grasp hold of a thought feels like I am wading through a thick substance in my brain, like tar or honey.

I can grasp hold of the thought and lose it very soon after.

It can be frustrating and I’ve tried to force myself through this, using a lot of mental energy. I’m trying my best not to do this as much now that I am aware of it but it can’t always happen, particularly when I am working.

Physical pain is another symptom that I experience when overstimulated. This could be aching from clenching my muscles constantly in a high stress situation, but it could also be pressure and pain inside my brain from it being overworked or shooting or stabbing pains. If sound is a big factor in my overstimulation, then the sound will vibrate throughout my whole body and feel like it dominates my whole being or I can feel it as a sharp and intense pain all over my body.

Being overstimulated causes high levels of anxiety and can easily lead to a panic attack. Depending on the level of overstimulation, I can feel unwell for days. If the overstimulation is constant then I can feel unwell for much longer. 

An example of long-term overstimulation

Looking back I was constantly overstimulated in a previous job where I was working long hours in a job where I had to have constant phone calls, video calls and face to face meetings. I worked in an office with other employees constantly talking or on the phone, with no windows and very strong artificial lighting. I was constantly feeling extreme exhaustion, severe brain fog, high anxiety and irritation. 

My evenings would consist of eating my dinner and going straight to bed (but not being able to sleep!). Then on weekends, I just felt like a zombie. I was feeling depressed all the time because of being trapped in this negative cycle and was frustrated with myself not understanding why anyone else felt like I did. Eventually my experience led me to getting a diagnosis of ME / CFS and I made some big life changes but my autism diagnosis would come later.

Emotions that I can feel with overstimulation

Overstimulation can cause frustration, sadness and fear amongst other unpleasant emotions. I can often catastrophise in situations, leading me to retract further into my head and further limiting my ability to function normally. If I’m in a public place when this happens, I will almost certainly have a panic attack because I’ll be so anxious about how other people will perceive me.

Taking time to understand myself better

I’m trying to understand myself better so that I can be better prepared and reduce the frequency and intensity of my overstimulation. Slowing down is something that I am doing and this can be hard when so much is happening at once. When I am able to slow down, I can create more space, can notice what is happening in my body better and be able to take the action that I need to feel better. 

My next blog post that I’m going to write will be about practical things that work for me to reduce my overstimulation and help me feel better, both preventive and reactive.

I’d love to hear other people’s experiences

I think that generally sums up how I feel when overstimulated and hope that helps to paint a picture for other people. I would absolutely love to hear from other people’s experiences on this because I know that everyone experiences things differently and also might be able to explain things in a way that I can’t! Please do get in touch in the comments below or drop me a message on my contact page.

Overstimulation isn’t just about being ‘sensitive’. It’s about how the brain processes the world in a way that can become overwhelming and even painful. By understanding and validating our experiences, we create the space for healing, support, and self-compassion.

Much love, Rachael xx

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