Late Autism Diagnosis in Women: Finding the Missing Piece

A late autism diagnosis in women can feel both life-changing and destabilising. For me, it was the missing piece that made everything finally make sense.

This is my story.

I Didn’t Know I Was Autistic

Before my late autism diagnosis, I spent the majority of my life feeling like I didn’t fit in. From my earliest memories, I can remember struggling to make friends and connect with other children in the way that seemed to come so naturally to everyone else.

Constantly feeling tense, emotional, in fight or flight and a long battle with yo-yoing mental health meant that the struggles continued through my teens and adulthood. I felt different to other people in a way that I couldn’t put my finger on.

I was an expert masker (and still can be!). Only those in my very inner circle (I’m talking about my husband, Egg, and my closest friend) knew how I was feeling and how hard life was for me to function. I’d look at others, compare myself and just wish I could be “normal” like them, living a healthy and productive life.

The high-level masking ultimately led to extreme burnout. To the point where I had to quit my job, change career and shift to working part-time. I was diagnosed with ME/CFS and fibromyalgia in my late twenties.

The Moment It Clicked

Neurodiversity has been a topic of interest for me since I first learnt about it maybe ten years ago. It wasn’t until I was building neurodiversity training at work in 2023 and came across Ellie Middleton’s story about how autism can show up differently for women.

That was the moment it clicked for me. It took me a good six to nine months to process further and pluck up the courage to speak with my GP about being tested for autism.

I received my diagnosis in 2024, at the age of 34. It was a wonderful life changing moment that was filled with relief, pride, sadness and anxiety about what to do next.

What Changed After My Diagnosis

The first few months after my diagnosis, I experienced a lot of confusion. Lots of memories from throughout my life came rushing back to me. I was processing and understanding situations and decisions that I had made that suddenly made sense.

It was overwhelming, and I made the decision to seek out a specialist counsellor. Something I share more about in my post on therapy after a late autism diagnosis.

Through neurodivergent-affirming counselling, I slowly learnt more about myself and how to be my authentic self.

I’ve been gaining the confidence to unmask and understand more about self-regulation, including practices like the Safe and Sound Protocol (SSP) that have helped balance my nervous system.

I’ve also been learning more about ADHD and exploring whether it may sit alongside my autism.

There’s been a lot of self-growth, exciting discoveries and genuine hope for the future that I hadn’t experienced before. The road has been bumpy and I’ve fallen off of it a few times along the way, but it’s been very much worth all the pain.

Why I Created The Invisible Onion

I remember how isolating it felt trying to piece everything together alone.

Both before and after my diagnosis, I noticed a lack of authentic experience sharing around late autism diagnosis in women. I had to really dig deep in research to find the information that I needed.

As I began embracing my whole self, I realised how powerful it is to share these experiences openly.

I’ve found that writing is a great creative outlet for me and I enjoy the process of writing and sharing it with others.

The Invisible Onion has evolved into a safe space for others to learn about neurodivergence, whether they are on a diagnosis journey, are late-diagnosed like me, are curious to learn or are an ally.

I want people to feel comfortable in a space with no noise or overwhelm. Each of my posts are in both written and audio format so that more people can enjoy them.

If You’re Wondering About Autism…

If you’re wondering about autism in yourself, it doesn’t mean you are making it up.

Beginning to notice autistic traits in yourself at whatever age you are is completely normal. Many women begin exploring a late autism diagnosis after years of masking or burnout.

You don’t have to align with the stereotype.

Take your time, be kind to yourself and know that there are many others out there quietly supporting you.

If This Resonated, You Might Also Like

Peeling back each layer takes time and energy. If you’d like to support The Invisible Onion and help keep the onion blooming, please donate through this link.

This post will continue to evolve as I learn more about myself and my late autism diagnosis.

Much love,

Rachael xx

The Invisible Onion