Autism and Sleep: What's Helped Me Sleep Better After My Late Diagnosis

My relationship with sleep has been turbulent from a very young age. It’s only after my late autism diagnosis that things started to click for me. Could there be a link between autism and sleep?

Why I’ve Always Struggled to Sleep

My earliest memory of struggling to sleep is probably about age two or three. I remember being encouraged to go for a daytime nap, but I couldn’t sleep because I had an intense feeling in my body. I remember the buzzing feeling well. Only now do I recognise it as anxiety.

By the time I was five, insomnia was in full swing. Whilst lying in bed, I would replay the events of the day in my head, going over where I thought I had acted wrong. This would cause intense spikes of panic and anxiety, where I would lay in bed frozen in place by the panic, unable to sleep.

A few years later, our family cat died. I was extremely connected to him and took his death very badly. I would lay awake at night crying, grieving for my furry friend, whilst also too scared to sleep because I thought I would die too. This intensified my daily night time panic attacks. At the time, I didn’t know what they were, which only intensified the panic that I was feeling more.

I didn’t tell anyone about my sleep issues. At the time, it genuinely felt normal, so I continued to struggle for many years.

I look back and feel so much love and compassion for little me. She went through so much pain at such an early age and held onto it for years, suffering in silence.

It wasn’t until my early twenties when I first learnt of anxiety that I started unpicking my sleep issues. Trying different approaches to combat insomnia.

Insomnia has been with me my whole life and I’ve only seen a more dramatic improvement in the last two years, since I’ve known I’m autistic.

What Changed After My Autism Diagnosis?

So what changed after my diagnosis?

I can now see patterns in my thought processes. I recognise the five-year-old me trying to process the events of the day, but I can also see the same thing happening in real time every evening.

Each night, I review the day moment by moment, analysing where I think I said or did the “wrong” thing.

When I find something that I think I did wrong, I replay it over and over. It makes me feel absolutely awful, creating a strong sense of dread and shame, increasing anxiety and panic.

As you can imagine, repeating this process every night for about thirty years has caused it to be ingrained into how I think. My focus at the moment is trying to slowly unpick that.

Supporting My Nervous System

That’s why a lot of my attention recently has been on nervous system regulation. My poor nervous system has been chronically stuck in fight, flight or freeze for decades.

I’m trying to slowly nurture a sense of safety in my body and mind so that my nervous system can start to heal itself. I know it will be a long process. I’m patient with it.

Over the last two years, I’ve gradually found a collection of practices that help me feel safer and more settled, both during the day and at bedtime.

I’m practising meditations that encourage nervous system safety like somatic tracking, yoga nidra and EFT tapping.

When picking activities on the weekends, I choose mindfully. Opting for nature-led activities that cultivate joy and awe or relaxing activities like attending a floating sound bath.

I’m cultivating a deep sense of self-love and gratitude for myself. Not berating myself for something that I’ve done, but being curious and kind when I am reviewing my day in my head.

To prevent the rushing review in my head before sleep, I control the review before it happens and spirals out of control.

When I settle into bed, I mindfully review my day. Consciously going through each part of my day and celebrating the wins. If something happens that I’m unsure about, I reassure myself that I did the best I could in that situation.

Learning how to process my emotions has certainly helped to improve my sleep. By allowing my emotions to be present in my body, I can observe them and be curious. They don’t feel so heavy all the time and aren’t stuck in my body every night when trying to sleep.

Sensory led art has helped with processing my emotions too. I try to do a small amount every day. Even five minutes helps.

Safe and Sound Protocol has been extremely helpful in helping me feel more regulated during the day. Not going into bedtime feeling as hyped up or overwhelmed.

Creating a Sleep Environment That Feels Safe

And don’t forget my trusty comfort objects. I cannot sleep without my cuddly toys Bunny and Panda at a minimum, but usually have multiple others in bed with me. My weighted blanket is a must-have too. They help me cultivate a sense of safety whilst in bed.

Blocking out noise and sound massively helps me to fall asleep too. I use Loop Quiet earplugs to block out a lot of noise, along with a silk eye mask to block out as much light as possible.

Naturally, I also do some of the common best sleep practices like going to bed and waking up at the same time every day, no TV or devices before bed, eating a healthy diet, and so on.

Letting Go of Perfect Sleep

Being autistic, and also having chronic health conditions, I know that my sleep is never going to be perfect. Knowing that means that I don’t strive for perfection. I strive for a more regulated and balanced sleep where I can, but don’t get mad or frustrated if it doesn’t happen.

I do a lot of things to help myself sleep better but at the end of the day, sometimes I’m going to have a very overwhelming day and it will impact my sleep. Sometimes I will still have bouts of insomnia. I accept that.

I know it’s important to keep doing the things that help my nervous system consistently, especially on bad sleep days. It’s those practices that will help me get back to better sleep eventually, when my nervous system is ready.

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Much love,

Rachael xx

The Invisible Onion